


Serpent's Tongue

by tklivory



Series: Dragon Age: Inquisition - Cullrian [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Fluff, Humor, Innuendo, Language, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-09 07:27:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4339379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tklivory/pseuds/tklivory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on a prompt from <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/Vmello/">Vmello</a>: Cullen getting Krem to help him learn Tevene so that he can impress Dorian, but Krem secretly just teaches him a lot of dirty talk/vulgar things</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Vmello](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vmello/gifts).



Krem glanced up when he heard the approaching footsteps, and blinked when he saw who it was. “Commander. Huh, usually it’s the Inquisitor who comes to see me.”

“Yes, well, I had some questions,” Cullen admitted, then pointed to the table. “Do you mind?”

“Feel free, Commander,” he said. As the man dragged a chair over from another nearby table and settled into it, Krem covered another long look by taking an extended drink from his beer. “What’s on your mind?”

“I was wondering if perhaps you might help me with something. The Inquisitor mentioned that you are from the Imperium. Is that correct?”

“That I am, ser. Born and bred, then later fled, you might say.” Krem grinned at his own joke, then gestured to the bar with his own bottle. “Need anything?”

“Not from the bar, no. I… was wondering if you might be able to teach me some phrases in the language of the Imperium.” Cullen cleared his throat and didn’t quite look around the bar. “Just, you know, a few useful phrases.”

“Useful phrases, eh? I can think of a few I could teach you, sure.” With affected nonchalance, Krem leaned back in his stool. “Any particular reason for this newfound curiosity? Haven’t got that many requests to learn more about the north, that’s for sure. You’d think we were all pariah or something down here.”

Cullen’s head twitched slightly. “Well, we have sufficient numbers of Venatori prisoners now that being able to understand a bit of what they say, or speak to them a little bit, would be most helpful. That’s the sort of thing a Commander should know at least a little bit about.”

“And we have gone up against quite a few Venatori,” Krem said, letting himself sound convinced. “All right. I guess we can start with the basics, then. Things you could use with anyone, and not just prisoners. Pleasantries, that sort of thing. Is that all right?”

“Perfect. I can work my way up to asking them about troop deployment later,” Cullen agreed, a touch too hastily.

Krem took another sip from his drink to hide his smirk. The Commander wasn’t _bad_ at lying _,_  really, but the Chief was better at seeing through them, and the Chief had loose lips when you got enough of that awful drink he called ale into him. “All right, we’ll start with ‘Good morning’. Unless you know that one already.”

“What? Why would I–” He stopped and cleared his throat. “I mean, no, I don’t know that. What is it?”

_“Fuck me hard,”_  Krem said in Tevene, slow enough that Cullen could repeat it.

With a look of intense concentration, Cullen repeated it after him.  _“Fuck me hard.”_

“Hey, not bad, Commander. Just say it a few more times, to make sure you have it, and then we’ll move on.” 

Krem took a long pull from his drink to stifle his laughter as the man nodded and began to whisper,  _“Fuck me hard,”_ to himself repeatedly. “All right,” he said, “I think I’ve got it. What about ‘Good night’?”

_“Fuck me slow,”_ Krem said promptly, taking another drink and several slow, laughter quelling breaths as Cullen repeated that several times.

“So _fuck me_  is good, then, right? It’s the same in both phrases,” Cullen noted.

“Very good, Commander. You’ve got a real ear for it, I can tell already. Ready for the next one?”

Cullen nodded. “I think so.”

Over the course of the next hour or so, Krem taught Cullen any number of phrases that weren’t ever supposed to be repeated in polite company. He even passed on some of the more colorful phrases that only those who served as in the military typically learned, usually in the middle of heated battles against the Qunari, with its extensive references to the sexual function of various bodily parts. 

When Cullen finally admitted that he felt like he’d learned all he could, he smiled at Krem. “Thank you very much for your help, Krem. This is a good basis for what I need.”

“Any time, Commander, any time. And good luck with the Venatori. They’re an odd lot,” Krem said with a straight face.

After the Commander smiled and left, he heard a distinct sound of a cleared throat to his right, and glanced over in time to see the Chief beckon him closer with a crooked finger.

Sauntering over to Iron Bull, he said, “You need me for anything, Chief?”

“Did you just spend an hour teaching the Commander of the Inquisition Forces how to tell someone to fuck him against a wall until the bricks break?” Iron Bull asked with a straight face.

Krem grinned. “Sure did, Chief. I thought it might come in handy. The walls around here are sturdy, right?”

“Ah, Krem de la Kreme. And here I thought that all this time back with an organized military force might have influenced you a bit.” The man’s arms rose so his hands could settle behind his head. “You know this makes you a… Krem against humanity.”

Krem rolled his eyes. “Krem doesn’t sound enough like ‘crime’ for that to work, Chief.”

“It works because I say it works. Anyway, this should be fun. As you were, Krem Puff.” Bull grinned as he stretched his long legs out in front of him. “I just hope I’m here when the Vint shows up.”

* * *

Sure enough, the next day, the Vint showed up. Krem watched him stalk across the tavern to where he sat, face neutral as the mage came to a halt in front of Krem and crossed his arms across his chest. “A word, Aclassi?” he said, one eyebrow raising high.

_Well, that didn’t take him long to go straight to Altus, did it?_   _“Avanna, Altus Pavus,”_ he said with a polite nod of his head. “How can I help you?”

“It is my understanding that you are offering assistance to others to learn the language of our homeland,” Dorian began rather carefully.

“I might have done that for someone, at that,” Krem admitted, grabbing his drink from the nearby table. “What of it?”

Dorian snapped his fingers, and a chair skidded across the floor to come to a rest near Krem. Taking a seat, he leaned in and met Krem’s gaze intently. “Are you taking suggestions for your next lesson with that someone?” he asked in a quiet voice.

Krem’s lips spread into a broad smile. “I might.”

“Excellent. I knew I liked you.” He reached into one of his innumerable pockets and withdrew a piece of paper. “These, if you please. Call them tactical maneuvers or holiday wishes or anything you like. Just make sure he knows how to say them correctly.”

Reading over the list, Krem felt his cheeks get a little hot. “Are you sure, Altus?” he said, eyebrows rising.

“Oh, more sure than anything.” Dorian stood, clapping Krem on the shoulder. “Keep up the good work. The Inquisitor speaks quite highly of you, you know. _Vitae benefaria.”_

And with that, he left the inn.

Krem blinked, then looked down at the list again. _And I thought the chaps back in the military knew some ways to…_  He tilted his head reflexively as he read one suggestion in particular. “Is that even possible?” he murmured to himself.

The next lesson was going to be a challenge, mostly because he’d be wondering just how _flexible_ the Commander could be.


	2. Quiet, Chief!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bursting with curiosity, The Iron Bull decides he just has to know what one of the 'special' conversations between Cullen and Dorian sounds like.

From his position in the back of the tavern, The Iron Bull absorbed the language lesson like he always did: listening to each word with glee and somehow managing not to laugh. His chin was dropped to his chest and his hands were relaxed on his lap, and he looked every bit the sleeping Bull - right up until he heard Cullen say (with a better accent than he'd had when he and Krem had started the little exercise),  _"Fuck you later."_ Once the door closed, he opened his eye and silently rose from his seat, sneaking over to stand behind Krem. Waiting until the man had his bottle at its apex, he suddenly said loudly, "Let's follow him."

Beer sprayed from Krem's mouth, and Bull had to clap him on the back to stop his coughing. "Chief!" he finally sputtered in protest. "That bottle was nearly full!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll get you a new one when we get back. Come on, something special's going to happen today, I can feel it in my horns." The Iron Bull pulled Krem from his chair. "Come on."

"All right, all right," Krem said, setting the bottle down to be reclaimed later. "Keep your eyepatch on."

The Iron Bull grinned at him as they walked out of the tavern. "So that means the pants can come off, right?"

Krem groaned. "Chief!" he complained.

They got quiet after that, since stalking prey meant being more careful, especially when one didn't want to look suspicious. When Cullen ducked into the gardens, they had to get creative and figure out how to get around obstacles like roofs and walls and windows and the stable with a minimum of fuss and notice, but eventually they caught up with their quarry by sneaking around the battlements until they caught sight of a familiar form pacing in a secluded part of Skyhold below, hands sometimes rising to wrap themselves into the fur hanging on his shoulders. Giving Krem a thumbs up, Iron Bull led them to a place where they could have a clear view of the area, then gestured Krem to crouch. "All right," Bull said quietly, putting his hand over his mouth. "We should be able to hear them, but they won't hear us if we keep it quiet."

"Where'd you learn to sneak around like Skinner, anyway?" Krem asked quietly, also raising his hand to muffle the sound.

"Why do you think I don't wear all that heavy armor shit while we're in Skyhold?" Bull asked him with a grin. "Not everyone talks about interesting things in the tavern." He kept his voice hushed as he kept an eye on Cullen, hoping that his hunch was right and that he was waiting for Dorian.

After a few silent moments, Krem asked, "What's it to you anyway, Chief? These two together, I mean." 

"Let's just say I know past pain when I sniff it, and the Inquisitor really likes these two. He'd be very happy if they found something to be happy about. And when he's happy, _I'm_ happy." Then his face broke into a huge grin. "Besides, I can't _wait_ to see his face when he finally realizes what you and the Vint have been plotting all this time."

Krem rolled his eyes, but couldn't help laughing softly. "Real pure motives there, Chief. Nice to know you can fall as hard as anyone else."

Iron Bull made a dismissive gesture. "Just looking out for the boss," Bull said, just as his eye caught a hint of approaching movement below, and he put his finger to his lips, signaling quiet.

They watched as Dorian edged around the corner of the stable, smiling as he saw Cullen waiting for him. The two men embraced, though they didn't kiss, and walked closer to where Iron Bull and Krem hovered above like magpies - just as Bull had hoped they would. He put his finger on Krem's lips to emphasize the need for quiet, then craned his head through the break in the ramparts as far as he dared to watch and listen with grinning anticipation.

"Your duties finally gave you some free time, I see," Dorian said idly.

"Yes, well, the Inquisitor can be a..." Cullen paused, and Bull- who had heard all the lessons and knew all the 'translations' - grinned, bracing himself not to laugh,  _"a masterful fuck."_

"A hard master? Yes, he can be indeed," Dorian commiserated, then smiled and reached up to straighten an errant lock of hair where Cullen had mussed it while waiting for him. "Your accent's improving."

_"Suck me,"_ Cullen said gratefully. "It's... an odd language. I hadn't expected some words to be so long."

"Oh?" Dorian asked. "I suppose I'm used to it. Still, it can be a beautiful tongue, you must admit."

"Beautiful, yes, it just takes longer to say even the simplest things. I mean, it's easier to say 'Tell me your plans' than  _'I want to ride your cock until I scream with bliss.'_ I'm still adjusting to it, I suppose."

Dorian suddenly looked concerned. "You... haven't actually interrogated any of the Venatori in Tevene, have you?"

"Hmm? Oh, no. That's just what I told Krem." He smiled at Dorian and took his hand. "You're the only one who would forgive my terrible accent, anyway."

Dorian chuckled. "Yes, well, as we say in the Imperium, _'It's never enough until your chests are stuck together.'_ You'll get the hang of it."

Cullen concentrated for a moment, then nodded. "Practice makes perfect?" he asked.

"Excellent. See? You're doing remarkably well." Dorian leaned closer. "Can you ask me? You know, in Tevene?" His voice was hushed, but with a dark note to it that made Bull nod in appreciative silence. _  
_

_I bet even the Chantry boy felt that in his_ _pants,_  Bull thought with amusement.

Apparently Cullen did, because he licked his lips and shifted closer to Dorian. "Will you  _ride me through the night?"_ _  
_

Dorian closed his eyes and shivered, then turned so he could grasp Cullen by the hips and pull him closer. "You only have to ask," he murmured, then claimed Cullen's lips for a soft kiss. When their lips parted, he murmured,  _"I want to lick your cock until you sing."_

Cullen grinned, silently mouthing the words until he brightened. "That means you enjoyed it."

"Oh, very much so," Dorian said with a heartfelt sigh. "And so will you." _  
_

A puzzled look came to Cullen's face as he tried to figure out what Dorian meant, but then the mage leaned in to speak softly into his ear. By a stroke of luck, the words traveled up the stone just loud enough to reach Iron Bull's straining ears. "The loft in your office, my tongue, and you, now."

_That would've convinced me,_ Bull mused with another approving nod.

He wasn't at all surprised when Cullen's eyes widened slightly, or that the warrior tugged Dorian into a longer kiss which left the lips of both men a bit swollen before giving the other man a short nod. "Give me five minutes to chase everyone away," he said fervently, "and then I am yours."

"Good," Dorian said, still breathing heavily. Even after Cullen left, he leaned back against the wall for a moment, taking deep breaths. Then he opened his eyes and looked straight up. "And if you two spy on us during _that_ , I will personally freeze your cock and bulls off, do you understand?"

_Damn it!_ "Just keeping you on your toes, Vint," Bull called down, then ducked back as a burst of ice flew past his horns. "Right! We were just leaving, weren't we, Krem?" _  
_

"Right you are, Chief," Krem agreed.

They legged it back to the Herald's Rest, and spent the next hour laughing over a few beer in the corner, though they didn't tell anyone  _why._ They were both men of honor, after all.

_Ah, life is good,_ thought Bull.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand, apparently there will be an Chapter Three for the actual Moment of Realization for poor Cullen. A fluffy middle act is never a bad thing, is it?


	3. Still Thy Tongue!

A few days after the little incident on the ramparts, Krem knew the gig was up. Cullen's expression when he entered the tavern for their lesson would have done a thunderstorm proud, black and dangerous as it was. Setting his beer aside, Krem rose as the man approached and said in clipped tones, "Might you have time for a word outside, Aclassi?"

 _Uh oh. Last name basis, not good._ "Yes, Commander." As Cullen turned away, Krem saw a flash of movement out of the corner of this eye, and when he glanced over, he saw that the Iron Bull was missing from his customary spot. _Don't get involved, Chief,_ he thought fervently, then quickly moved to catch up with the stiff-shouldered Commander.

Once outside, the Commander led him to the area tucked away behind the tavern where the weapons' practice dummies resided. He knew it was one of the Chief's favorite relaxation spots, as denoted by the meat pie delicately balanced on a nearby featureless head. Taking them into the trees, Cullen turned and crossed his arms over his chest, face still dark as the sky on a winter's morning. Krem knew the Commander would probably look more intimidating if his own boss wasn't already a seven-foot tall, three-foot wide Qunari, but he tried to look suitably chagrined as Cullen began to speak.

"It has come to my attention," the man said through gritted teeth, "that the words and phrases you have been teaching me don't actually mean what you said they did."

Krem debated whether to bluff it out or not, but doing so would only be for his own amusement at this point, and he knew the Commander had enough clout with the Herald to get him landed in some pretty unpleasant situations if Krem pissed him off _too_ much. So he nodded. "You've got me dead to rights, Commander. I was totally putting one over you.”

Cullen hesitated, as if he’d expected Krem to deny it, then cleared his throat. Though his neck and ears were still red with anger when he next spoke, at least his teeth were no longer clenched, which Krem viewed as progress of a sort. Still, his tone couldn’t be described with any word but _snippy_. “Might I ask _why_? You don’t seem like the sort of fellow who delights in another’s embarrassment.”

That made Krem laugh. “I was a soldier for the Imperium for years before Chief picked me up. Soldiers can find a lot interesting ways to pass the time, and they’re not afraid of a little embarrassment.” He held up his hand as Cullen’s jaw tightened again. _“But_ that’s not why I did it. Well, maybe the first time. You caught me late in the day, Commander. I had quite a few beers in me by that point.”

“I don’t appreciate being _hazed,_ Krem,” Cullen grated.

Krem winced slightly. “Well, I never thought you’d actually interrogate a prisoner with it,” he admitted. “The Altus, I thought he’d get some fun out of it or tell me to go stuff it. There aren’t many people he could blame that on besides me, when you get right down to it.”

The red on Cullen’s neck and ears bloomed brighter red and suffused his cheeks with a bright crimson, and the man looked down for a few moments. “You’re… astoundingly direct,” he managed, still not looking up.

“Soldier,” Krem reminded him. “You wouldn’t believe what we used to get up to, back in the barracks or on leave. Don’t think you templar types would understand. You’re trained as knights, aren’t you? Have to do a vigil and everything. Or maybe you do understand, but don’t let yourself just enjoy it. You play cards and chess, right? Soldiers… we’re a bit more _basic_ than that, if you get my meaning. Why, I remember a time when old Crassius and me, we--”

He stopped when Cullen desperately waved his hand, though the man’s head was still bowed. “No, no, please don’t elaborate. I’m suddenly afraid somehow you will tell me _which_ of those phrases you and Crassius are responsible for.”

Krem just grinned. Granted, it had really been him and Crassius sitting around drinking and coming up with the most explicit phrases they could think of, but in his defense, he’d only taught Cullen _one_ of those. Dorian had been responsible for the rest. “Right you are, Commander.”

Cullen suddenly looked up, a frown on his face and the red almost faded. “Wait. You said ‘maybe the first time’. What about after that?”

He’d hoped that the mere mention of Crassius would be a good enough diversion that Cullen would forget that, but the man _was_ used to tracking a lot of detail. “I liked you coming around the tavern. Nice to talk to a military man. The Chief, he’s all right, but he prefers his fights quick and dirty. Talking about the strategy at Adamant, now, I enjoyed that. Even if that’s not how you say _ramparts_ in Tevene.”

Cullen grimaced. “What did that mean?”

Krem coughed. “Probably what you’d expect _ram parts_ to mean. You know. Horny.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “A bit of a bad joke, there.”

“So when I thought I was describing the ramparts, I was actually saying--”

“--fuck me, I’m horny as a bronto,” Krem admitted a trifle sheepishly.

Taking this with admirable dignity, Cullen glanced up at one of the towers and pointed. “And when I called that tower a very sturdy structure, I actually said what, pray tell?”

Looking around for an escape, Krem mumbled, “That strong cock would look better up my ass.”

“Oh, sweet Maker,” Cullen brought his hands up to his face to rub the burgeoning redness away. “That would explain why he--” Suddenly he stopped and shook his head, then looked sternly at Krem. “I am not amused by this. The words were bad enough, but you could have compromised the Inquisition if I _had_ done as I stated and questioned the Venatori prisoners. Imagine telling one of them I--” He shuddered, and said in Tevene, _“Want to feel your cock down my throat.”_ He looked at Krem. “Would that have been bad?”

Krem nodded vigorously. “Aye, Commander. Very bad, and I take your meaning. Allow me to offer my apologies. As a joke, it got out of hand.” _There. Kept the Altus out of it._

Cullen’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Two weeks of early morning recruit training duty, soldier,” he said in clipped tones. “And if I _ever_ hear you speaking Tevene again, I’ll… Maker’s Breath, I’m not sure, but don’t do it.”

Krem saluted. “Aye, aye, Commander! Won’t happen ag--”

Suddenly the bushes beside them rustled until, with improbable mystery, the Iron Bull emerged. “I told him to keep doing it,” Bull declared. “Thought it’d be amusing. Since Krem is a good soldier, he obeyed orders.”

 _Vishante kaffas, Chief, I_ had _this,_ Krem swore mentally as he turned to the interloper.

Cullen rounded on Bull with a glowering frown. “Maker, Bull, _why_ would you want to do that?” Cullen asked.

“Because I wasn’t sure when you’d start teasing the Vint with it. Right away, or after practicing a few days, it was hard to tell. You’re a careful, cautious man. You might have waited until you had a few lessons under your belt before daring to talk to the Vint like that.” Bull shrugged. “And, yeah, mainly it was to get at the Vint. You know, repeat a few phrases at him while wandering the Wastes, that kind of thing. Anything to get him going.”

Shaking his head, Cullen heaved a sigh. “I’m disappointed in you, Bull. I would have thought that as a leader of a mercenary force--”

“Hey, I’m all about morale for the troops. C’mon, tell me this wouldn’t be hilarious if it wasn’t you,” Bull said with a grin.

Cullen paled. “The soldiers don’t… know about it, do they?”

“Well, no," Bull admitted. "Not unless you scream loud enough while the Vint is--”

“Enough!” Cullen groaned, hand flying up to forestall the words. “Thank you for your input, Bull. You’re both on training duty, _three_ weeks, and I expect a written report by noon from each of you.”

“Yes, ser, Commander, ser!” Bull said with an outrageously crisp salute. “And now we should all go, right now.” He put a hand on Krem’s shoulder and started to pull him back, spinning the man around as he did so.

Krem staggered as he was pulled along by Bull. “Hey, Chief, what’s the-- Oh.” Krem watched as Cullen, still scowling fiercely, turned and nearly walked straight into Dorian, who had been there, it seemed, long enough for Bull to see him.

“I was told I would find you here,” Dorian said in a strangely subdued voice. Since Cullen’s back was now turned to him, Bull was doing his best to make a cutting motion across his throat to tell Dorian to _still his tongue_ , but Dorian didn’t seem to take the hint.  “I suppose they told you?”

Cullen frowned. “Told me what? That they both connived to make me say those… things?” He crossed his arms. “And I’ve yet to ask you about all of this. Obviously you knew what I was saying, based on the way you… _reacted_ last night.”

Krem and Bull exchanged a glance and slowly began backing away from the potential lover’s quarrel as Dorian nodded. “I did. I wasn’t expecting that _particular_ phrase, and it was _most_ invigorating.”

Voice lowering, Cullen said, “Well, when you suddenly start moaning _Good morning_ when I’m-- when we’re--” Cullen blew out a breath explosively and ran his hand through his hair. “Even I would notice that. Later.”

One corner of Dorian’s mouth curled up slightly. “You mean after you could think again. As I said, it was _very_ invigorating.”

Clearing his throat, Cullen pulled Dorian further back into the foliage, either forgetting that Krem and Bull were there, or simply not caring for the moment. “So what were you saying?” he asked softly.

After licking his lips slowly, Dorian leaned closer, though he still spoke above a whisper. “I was telling you to fuck me hard.” As Cullen inhaled sharply, Dorian added, “I didn’t realize what language I used until later. You did react as if you could understand, as I recall.”

Bull nudged Krem with an elbow, nodding towards the two men and grinning broadly. Krem just rolled his eyes and gestured behind them, urging Bull to leave while they were apparently being ignored, but Bull just hunkered down in the foliage. With a suppressed sigh, Krem followed suit.

The discussion between Cullen and Dorian hadn’t quite turned into an argument, but the men weren’t exactly holding hands, either. Finally Cullen took a half step back and rubbed at his forehead with one hand, which made Dorian fall silent. “Regardless of the… benefits, I don’t understand why you didn’t simply tell me what you wanted me to learn, once you knew. It’s been weeks now. And I’ve been making an absolute fool of myself the entire time.”

Dorian smiled slightly. “Not at all,” he said. “Perhaps the phrases I gave to Krem for your lessons were a bit _much,_ but--”

 _“You_ gave to Krem?” Cullen interrupted, staring in disbelief at Dorian.

Dorian’s lingering attempt at a smile faded, and he closed his eyes with a small sigh. “Ah, so they _hadn’t_ told you.”

“No. They hadn’t.” Cullen’s brow wrinkled. _“Why?_ I… help me understand, Dorian, because at the moment, I am at an utter loss.”

When Dorian looked up at Cullen, his expression was oddly helpless, with his eyebrows pinched together and his mouth settling into a pathetic little frown. “It never occurred to me to ask,” he confessed.

Cullen’s demeanor definitely softened, and he settled his hand on Dorian’s shoulder. “Why not?” Cullen asked, his voice now hushed.

“Why should you even consider it? In the Imperium, you’d simply laugh at me for asking. Sex and pleasure, that is what we should be focusing on, that is all men are _allowed_. You learning to speak my language?” Dorian snorted gently. “Fluff and nonsense, like asking you to… to ride a unicorn or pull down a moon. That smacks of a _relationship_ \- definitely not permitted. That’s why when I heard you speak Tevene, I was afraid to tell you how much it meant to me. Even if it would have made my mother blush.” He paused. “Or perhaps especially because it would have made my mother blush.”

With a chuckle, Cullen moved his hand up to rest on Dorian’s neck, thumb stroking his cheek. “It certainly made _me_ blush,” he said wryly.

After a moment, Dorian bowed his head. “I… took advantage of your ignorance. At first, I was afraid you would refuse to continue learning, and then…” His eyes darted up to meet Cullen’s own, a line of worry between his eyebrows. “Then I was afraid I would lose something far more precious.”

Krem found himself holding his breath, not wanting to disrupt the delicate moment as the words hung in the air. After a few seconds, Cullen finally shook his head and smiled. “I’m… irritated, but nothing more, Dorian,” Cullen said gently. “Admittedly, when I first realized what had happened, I was… rather _more_ irritated, but not enough to truly be angry with you.” Cupping the mage’s face in his hands, Cullen leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Dorian’s forehead. “My only concern now is how to address this dilemma you’ve put before us.”

One curl of Dorian’s mustache rose, along with his entire body, as if Cullen’s gentle kiss had somehow revived him. “And what quandary is that, Commander?”

Cullen’s hands stroked down the other man’s neck, then abruptly latched around the upturned collar and tugged Dorian close, their lips close enough to touch. “You are going to personally demonstrate each and every one of those phrases to me. After all, I am _apparently_ a slow learner.”

 _That_ notion clearly appealed to Dorian, judging by the way he paled, then flushed, then swallowed harshly before nodding quickly. “Anything you say, Amatus,” he gasped.

Bull chuckled. _“Brilliant,”_ he murmured in what was, for him, a quiet voice.

Cullen shot an arch glance to where the two men crouched in the supposed concealment of the bushes. _“Four_ weeks training duty and twice daily reports,” Cullen said in a stern voice. “And you’re on privy cleaning duty for two.”

“Gee, thanks, Chief,” Krem drawled, hitting Bull on the arm.

“What did I do? You’re the one who taught him,” Bull pointed out, but the grin refused to leave his face as he watched Cullen return his attention to Dorian and draw him into a deep, lingering kiss.

By the time their lips parted, Dorian’s eyes were closed and his breath was coming in short pants. “Ah, Cullen?”

“Yes, Dorian?” Cullen asked with a smirk.

“I am very much in favor of starting those demonstrations of which you spoke as soon as we get back to your office.” His tongue emerged to slowly moisten his lips. “I think we should start with _a masterful fuck.”_

Cullen’s smirk widened. “A hard master, hmm? Why do I get the feeling that in this case, it has very little to do with difficulty?”

Dorian made an impatient noise. “Your office, Amatus. Now.” The mage gave him a playful push, then turned, quickly reached down to adjust himself, and strode into the courtyard.

After Dorian was out of sight, Cullen turned to face Krem and Bull. “And if anyone _ever_ learns about this,” he said with a glare, “just remember that I have the authority to put you on privy cleaning duty for life.”

Bull and Krem snapped a quick salute, giving a high and low chorus of “Yes, Commander Cullen, ser!”

“I’m glad we understand each other. Report…” He paused, glancing in the direction Dorian had gone for a moment before licking his lips. “Report two mornings hence for your first training session. I might be a little too tired tomorrow morning to give you your due punishment. Until then.” With a final, crisp nod, he turned and strode away, leaving the two Chargers alone.

Krem and Bull exchanged a glance, then shrugged, though Bull’s was the more impressive gesture given the breadth of his shoulders.

“I take it the next round’s on me?” Bull rumbled as they started back towards the tavern.

Krem nodded, clapping Bull heartily on the back. “You’d better believe it, Chief.”


End file.
